Elle's Book
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I found this book at a time when I was doing a lot of soul searching. I had also been blocked for almost 3 years when it came to writing music. It has done wonders for me and I'm on my second time round for reading it. I just wanted to be able to share it with other people. As I am working through the Artist's Way, I will be posting my synopsis of the chapter I have read and comments I have about it. Julia (the author) suggests creating Sacred Circles as a safe means of sharing and support. I would like to extend an invitation to join my circle. Please send me an email if you are interested and we can start a group at Yahoo Groups. Otherwise, enjoy the read and I hope you get as much out of it as I have.   :-)

This is not meant as a guide but as an enticement to pick up the book and begin your own journey.

Note: I just realized I've been approaching this in the wrong way. So from now on I will be writing about each chapter more as it pertains to me and not worrying about including every point that Julia makes. I hope this makes for a more enticing read!

These are two tools that Julia insists that you adopt as part of your journey of re/self-discovery. I have found them to be invaluable myself.

Morning Pages are (nonnegotiable) exactly what they imply. Every morning you write 3 pages of whatever is on your mind, for example: The sky is nice this morning. I'm so pissed off at ***! I hate my life. I don't know what to say.

"There is no wrong way to do morning pages". The Morning pages are not to be judged and not to be re-read. Essentially, they are a purging of whatever is on your mind first thing in the morning with the hopes that it will open you up for other things during the day.

My experience with Morning Pages is that I was able to let go of a lot of garbage that was holding me back. I was also able to express myself about things that I didn't feel I could talk to anyone else, but myself, about. I was also able to discover how hard I was on myself.

At first it was really difficult to open myself up. I would just write "I don't know what to say" or "blah, blah, blah". I also stressed out at the fact that I had to fill 3 pages of whatever. But, using the Morning Pages as my tool, I learned that it's not the goal (of writing 3 pages) that's important, but the journey. Once I concentrated on the journey, or on the moment of what I was thinking, then reaching the 3 pages was no problemo! In fact, many a times it was difficult to stop at just 3.

I also discovered that I write better when there are no lines on the page. I find lined paper very restrictive!

I basically adopted the Morning Pages from day one, BUT, the Artist Date took a little more time, in fact about 3 or 4 weeks! An Artist Date is where you take yourself out for a date, ALONE, for a couple of hours, and treat your inner artist a.k.a. "your creative child" ("nurturing your creative consciousness"). Some suggestions are go for a walk, buy yourself some paint brushes, go see a movie, buy yourself a book, take yourself out for a dinner, go to a museum. Basically, whatever it is that you feel would nurture you as an artist.

"Doing your morning pages, you are sending - notifying yourself and the universe of you dreams, dissatisfactions, hopes. Doing your artist date, you are receiving - opening yourself to insight, inspiration, guidance."

An artist date is a play date that you make with yourself and you don't let anyone or anything interrupt it. If you were going on a date with a special man or woman, would you let anything interrupt that?

I have to admit, that I still find myself forgetting about taking myself on my artist dates. But I know that every time I have taken myself out on an artist date that I have received enormous satisfaction and joy. I get recharged, which is the point of it all. It's like feeding the artist within you. If you don't feed him or her how do you expect her or him to produce!

I wish you luck and success with your Morning Pages and Artist Date!

Many of us are "shadow artists". We are people that support others with their chosen art. We are too intimidated to become an artist ourselves. This behavior is often born from parents saying "stop daydreaming" and "art is a great hobby but you can't make a living from it" or "you have to be reasonable". Parents usually have the best intentions when they say these things.

It takes nurturing to make an artist. Shadow artist have to learn to take themselves seriously.

Once you get beyond the fact that you don't just want to support other artists but that you want to be an artist, you have to begin protecting this new-born artist child. You have to be careful not to judge yourself too harshly. All artists start from the beginning. "Mistakes are necessary! Stumbles are normal." Don't show your work to overly critical people. What we are trying to reach for is progress not perfection. "Give yourself permission to be a beginner."

Blocks are usually born from wanting to stay safe. We are our own worst enemies. Try saying to yourself "I am a brilliant and prolific artist." Do you hear these voices in your head saying "Ya Right!, who do you think you are?" and so on. These are what Julia calls Core Negative Beliefs. Beliefs are not facts. For example, it was believed that the earth used to be flat!!!

Core Negative Beliefs are born from fear and they keep you there. If you're going to make any progress as an artist you have to identify these beliefs, discover where they come from, diffuse them and replace them with Creative Affirmations.

Julia has created Tasks at the end of every chapter to help re-enforce what she talked about and to guide you through your journey. I won't re-tell them but I will tell you, they are very effective.

Once we take the first step towards become the artist we want to be we have to be gentle with ourselves. Remember not to judge yourself or to allow others to judge your work. People that are "blocked creatives" will try to sabotage you by either judging your work too harshly or complain that your not as readily available as you were in the past.

"Draw a sacred circle around your recovery. Give yourself the gift of faith. Trust that you are on the right track. You are."

One type of person to especially watch out for is a "crazymaker". Crazymakers are "often charismatic, frequently charming, highly inventive, and powerfully persuasive... charismatic but out of control, long on problems and short on solutions." And to people like me, who are fixer-uppers, they are irresistible.

I have since learned to recognize crazymakers and I make sure to either stay away or at least be limited with my gift of myself. Here are some things to help you identify them:

• They break deals and destroy schedules,
• They expect special treatment,
• They discount your reality,
• They spend your time and money,
• They triangulate those they deal with (pitting people against each other),
• They are expert blamers,
• They create dramas,
• They hate schedules,
• They hate order,
• They deny that they are crazymakers.

Sound familiar? Julia suggests that we choose to be involved with crazymakers in order to avoid ourselves and our creativity. I know it was absolutely true for me.

It's also a good time to examine our skepticism. I didn't like Julia's use of GOD/the creator in her writings. She says that you don't have to use GOD in the traditional sense. She even suggested that we use GOD the letters to stand for good orderly direction, or think of it as Goddess, Mind, Universe, Source, Higher Power or whatever suits our purpose. Because I'm an atheist, I decided to make GOD stand for Greatest Original Delight. I also decided to make this energy (that resides within me) have female characteristics. It has served it's purpose well.

Finally, pay attention to detail. It is in detail that we end up living in the moment. Just like when I discovered that paying attention to the process of writing my Morning Pages helped me in achieving my goal of writing 3 pages. She also says that there is healing to be had in paying attention to detail. There is safety in the now. She has many examples to prove her point. Having made the effort, I know she is right.

Anger is our friend. It tells us, like a road map, which direction we should be going in.

Synchronicity is real. As soon as you decide on the path, many little things will happen to help us along the path.

Shame is something that stops us from doing things. Especially as artists because art "exposes a society to itself". Bad reviews are a huge source of shame. Some critics will attack the artist personally instead of critiquing the art itself.

Have you ever started on a piece of art and when you're either half way done or almost done you just don't feel like it's really worth it. Or worse, you dismiss your idea before even beginning to work on it. Man, do I ever know all of these. These are all reactions to the possibility of shame. It's a coping devise that a lot of us learn as children. How about the sentence "it doesn't matter". Oooo that's a real burn for me. I don't know how many times I've said that. It was something that was flagged to me about 7 years ago and I'm still fighting those urges to use it once in a while.

We have to learn to decipher good criticism for bad. If it's vague and spiteful, then you know it is BAD!

We also have to learn when it is appropriate to show some budding art. The first draft of a script can be too harshly judged by an untrained eye. Same with any piece of art.

"Art requires a safe hatchery".

As artists, we have to avoid the first doubt like an alcoholic must avoid the first drink.

This is Julia's suggestion of dealing with criticism:

1. Receive the criticism all the way through and get it over with.
2. Jot down notes to yourself on what concepts or phrases bother you.
3. Do something very nurturing for yourself - read an old good review or recall a compliment.
4. Remember that even if you have made a truly rotten piece of art, it may be a necessary stepping-stone to your next work. Art matures spasmodically and requires ugly-duckling growth stages.
5. Look at the criticism again. Does it remind you of any criticism from your past - particularly shaming childhood criticism? Acknowledge to yourself that the current criticism is triggering grief over a long-standing wound.
6. Write a letter to the critic - not to be mailed, most probably. Defend your work and acknowledge what was helpful, if anything, in the criticism proffered.
7. Get back on the horse. Make an immediate commitment to do something creative.
8. Do it. Creativity is the only cure for criticism.

"Growth is an erratic forward movement". I'm so happy I read this today because this is exactly what I've been feeling. I've just felt low. The morning pages have almost seemed useless and eventhough I've been creating, I just feel there's been a lull. What Julia reminded me is that it's all part of the process. There are going to be growth spurts and then there will be lulls where you can rest.

You have to remember to be good to yourself. Treat yourself.

I love what Julia says here: "Over any considerable period of time, the morning pages perform spiritual chiropractic. They realign out values... of our personal truth." Is that heavy or what. I know that the morning pages have been a god-sent for me. I'm not sure why. I mean, I've kept diaries before but it seems that this is slightly different. Maybe not. Maybe when I kept diaries they were doing the same thing for me that these morning pages have done for me or maybe it's just the whole process!?!

"Chekhov advised, 'If you want to work on your art, work on our life'". Again WOW! I mean, the first time I went through this book, I was on a spiritual journey, and it's so true that I, of course, feel better about my life now but my art has gained a confidence and life of it's own. I also know how to treat myself better so that I'm not afraid of creating anymore.

Julia say that you might experience a sense of loss, or even wild emotions when you start moving away from the 'old' way of doing things to your 'new' way. I know I was feeling this for a long time. I just knew that things had to change and I think it probably took about 7 or 8 months before I got to where I wanted to be. I just feel so lucky that I've been able to transform my life into something that I'm proud of and so ecstatic to live.

Ok, I have to quote Julia here:

Art lies in the moment of encounter: we meet our truth and we meet ourselves; we meet ourselves and we meet our self- expression. We become original because we become something specific: an origin from which work flows.

I just realized that this is exactly what has happened to me. My self confidence grows from the fact that each day I realize more and more that I am original and that just snowballs into self-confidence and the confidence to create works of art on a more regular basis.

Oh ya, Julia also mentions that when you make changes in your life that the tendency to throw out the old to make space for the new, might hit you. I know that when I first moved back into my apartment, I made a gigantic change. I left almost everything behind in order to really start a new. So, I guess I was ahead of myself, in a way. I made room for all of the changes that have since taken place. And if feel incredible!

Also, she says that the morning pages are like a safe vehicle that will take you to new places but it is also a place where you can rest. This morning I realized that I am going to make my dream come true of making a film this year. I wrote in my morning pages that I wasn't sure how it was going to happen but I just knew from the core of my self that it was going to happen. I have never had that feeling in my life before and perhaps it is because I continue to religiously do my morning pages every day.

There is also an very interesting section in this week. It's titled: Reading Deprivation. Julia says that in order to fill the well from which you create, that you have to cut yourself off of the static that you create around your life that stops you from filling the well. Her suggestion is to stop reading, completely, for a week. I know that when I read this the first time I was really excited at the prospects of doing this exercise, but the problem is, I very rarely read. So I decided to cut everything else that I fill my life with: music, TV and the computer. I set out to stay away from these 3 things for a week. It was a great exercise. I was able to stay away from the computer almost completely. I turned it on twice to clean out my email (I get about 100 per day!). TV was a little more difficult, cuz I felt it was such a companion, especially late at night. It's funny now because I hardly ever have it on and it's great.

As for music, it was almost impossible to stay away from because without any of these 3 I really felt empty and lonely. I know I took this exercise to an extreme, because Julia suggests that if you're not reading you can listen to music. But at the time I was still blocked musically and I thought that if I didn't have music being pumped into my brain that I would be able to hear the music within me. It didn't work at the time, because I was still blocked, but perhaps that's something that I should try in the near future, since I'm not blocked anymore. Hmmm.

"... we are in the spiritual position of having an unlimited bank account". Heavy! The idea of having unlimited sources at my fingertips is a really exciting idea. Julia says that God (whatever God means to you) has an unlimited supply of whatever you want. She also says that when you feel things don't happen it's because you're relying on a human source rather than a divine one. This idea seems far fetched for me but I am more than willing to put some faith into it because of the sense of possibility it brings me.

She says that when you open yourself up to possibility, things begin to happen. Basically, you have to ask for what you want. You might not get exactly what you want but you will get something that will move you forward. I'm counting on it.

She also says that you have to take care of yourself. We all get caught in what Julia calls a 'Virtue Trap'. This is when we put other people before ourselves. I know that is one of my greatest virtues, to put other people before myself in my list of importance. In fact, it used to be that I was the last on the list. And the only thing that got me was anger and frustration and depression and all sorts of other bad things.

Being an artist requires self love and self care. That's what I am learning to do and I am a much happier person because of it. I find myself creating more and being able to share an even better me at the end of the day.

One of the exercises for this week is to make a wish list. She says that for people like me it's the beginning of recovering a sense of possibility. Guess what I'm going to do now!

Rethink your version of GOD. God is creative beyond belief. Think about snowflakes. Every snowflake is different. To two are alike. Is this representative of a GOD that has barriers? A GOD that says enough is enough?

I have rethought my take on GOD. I was brought up as a catholic and not only was GOD a male figure but he was very strict. It's his way or the highway. It doesn't make sense to me anymore.

I thought, if GOD were a woman, she would give endlessly. As a good mother, I always pictured myself being ultra supportive of my child's want and need.s If my child would want to pursue drawing, I would do all in my power to nurture and support her decision. Now, I thought, what if I turned things around. What if I were the child and GOD the mother? If I want to be a filmmaker, she will give me all that is in her power to give me what I need to pursue my dream. Indeed, as we all know, GOD has limitless power. Can you see where I'm going with this?

Luxury is the ability to enjoy life. To allow yourself small pleasures. If my dream is my pleasure, why not really enjoy it and play with it? Why not approach it with the idea that I will play on being a filmmaker rather than I have to work on my script. I have to work on my budget. Allowing myself the luxury of time to do what I want, to get the things that give me pleasure. What is right with that? Stop making what you love, work. Start having fun again. What sounds like fun to me?

Serious art is born from serious play!

Take not of what I spend money on. Sometimes we fritter it away on things we don't care about instead of putting it towards things that we do care or want.

Expect god to provide. She will.

It still hasn't ceased to amaze me how this book is so synchronous to how I'm feeling. I mean, I've been having a really tough time trying to figure out how I could be more creative and BAM! there it is in the book. It happens to be what this chapter is all about.

I've been trying to think something up when I should be reaching down into the well of creativity that survives just below the surface and writing it down. It's all there for the picking you just have to tune in to the right frequency. It's a matter of paying attention and believing/trusting that God will provide. Expect the universe to support you dream. It will.

I have been a victim of perfectionism. In fact I proliferate it, when in fact I should disassociate myself from it because it doesn't allow me to move forward. At it's worse, you tend to re-write something over and over again. Perfectionism is not a quest of the best, it's a pursuit of the worst in ourselves. Being an artist is being able to let go.

"A painting is never finished. It simply stops in interesting places" -- Paul Gardner.

I have to allow myself to take the risk of doing something really bad. If something is worth doing then it is worth doing bad. That's been my problem lately. I'm trying to do things perfectly. If I didn't have to do it perfectly, I would try... writing my '1st' script. Making my first movie ( on my own that is).

Finally, realize that jealousy is a map. It tells you what you really want to do but aren't brave enough to do yet. Jealousy strips us of our will to act when action is the key to our freedom.

Learning to deal with loss, such as, in my case, a film not selling or in general getting bad criticism - where there is no ounce of truth or rationality, is very important. Otherwise, it will become a block. To move beyond loss, you have to acknowledge it and share it. Keep in mind that what we can handle intellectually far outweighs what we can handle emotionally. It's so true. I always think, oh brother, I can't believe I'm so upset about this or that.

Things to especially watch out for is bad criticism when it comes from a trusted source such as a friend, a mentor, a teacher. Be especially on the watch for it from a teacher. Many teachers are blocked creatives. They are frustrated artists. Their intellectualism kills creativity and they will impose their monster wrath on poor unsuspecting students.

Keep in mind, and by the way, I really like this, often audacity, not authentic talent, confers fame on our artists. In other words, lack of audacity can cripple an artists that are far superior to the ones we acclaim. You have to gain autonomy.

Be also on the look out for self inflicted wounds, such as conflicting agendas, e.g.. I can't go to school because I have to work in order to put food on the table for my son.

Just as every end is a beginning, every artistic loss should be looked at as a possible gain. This makes me think about my losses lately. For example, the first script I wrote was either not read, not commented on or torn apart. That hurt. I haven't admitted that yet and I haven't talked about it either. I've just tried to forget about it. So, instead, I've been really avoiding writing my next script. PLUS, I'm trying really hard to make it fit a formula. I'm trying really hard to be 'academic' about it. I'm not being audacious and just doing it! I should just do what feels right and most of all to have fun creating because that's the bottom line. In fact, that's why I love creating and being an artist so much. It's because, to me, creating is the ultimate fun.

So what do you do? Act as if a silver lining exists, if you are willing to try something new. So that's my plan. I'm trying my new script, I'm going to be audacious about it and believe that there is a silver lining, but most of all - HAVE FUN!!!

"In order to catch the ball, you have to want to catch the ball" -- John Cassavetes.

Reach for what you really want. I really want to make feature films. I really want to write them, direct them and produce them. The key to career resiliency is self empowerment and choice. If one avenue is blocked, take another. Don't let the bastards get you down. When faced with loss, take one small action to support your artist.

Age and Time are very common self blocks. I'm too old to try this or do you know how old I'll be when I finish school? As old as you would be if you didn't. I love that line. Creativity lies in the doing - not the done. Also, doing the work points to better ways of doing it (this is something I learned from doing my morning pages). This gives you a sense of adventure and adventure has always been big on my list!

Our consumer-oriented society makes us focus on the end product rather than the process. This could cause huge blocks. Begin something... NOW! One step at a time. For example, in order to pursue art full-time, you can start by 10 minutes... then 20 minutes a day... then 1 hour and so on. Don't indulge in frantic fantasies about major changes you have to make in your life in order to pursue your art. Large changes occur in small increments.

Notice how you pickup an anxious thought to stop or delay your next creative action. Blocked creatives have an active addiction to anxiety.

By altering the launch trajectory of a space exploring rocket very slightly, a great difference can be made over time.

Don't mistake fear or being blocked for laziness. Being blocked is spending lots of energy on self- hatred, regret, grief, jealousy and seft-doubt. Begin with baby steps.

"The need to produce great works of art makes it hard to produce any at all." Oh Ya! I know that's true!!!

Procrastination is the manifestation of fear and the cure for fear is love. Lots of people think it takes discipline to be an artist. Even I thought this but its not true. It takes enthusiasm (a spiritual commitment), a loving surrender to out creative process, a loving recognition of all creativity surrounding us. Enthusiasm is grounded in play... not work. A love of secret adventure.

Treat work as play - to entice the artist child to create.

Self sabotage (which can be manifested as indifference), when on the verge of success is something to avoid... obviously. We do this because we are more comfortable being victims of artist block than being productive and healthy. In all careers there are hard times as well. Downfalls. Surviving them is your prime objective. Lean on your friends, your spirituality. Find someone who's been there and find out what they did. Ask for help... it will arrive.

You have to coax and keep your art moving forward like you would a skittish young horse going through an obstacle course for the first time.

This next section is the best part of the book as far as I'm concerned. It's called Blasting Through Blocks. Julia has a warning about this exercise. That it works. When I first read it I thought 'Oh Brother', rolled my eyes and giggled. Then I tried it and it blew me away! It really worked!! Try it. This is a direct quote from the book:

1. List any resentments (anger) you have in connection with this project. It does not matter how petty, picky or irrational these resentments may appear to your adult self. To your artist child they are real big deals: grudges.
   
   Some examples: I resent being the second artist asked, not the first. (I am too the best.)... I resent this editor, she just nitpicks. She never says anything nice... I resent doing work for this idiot; he never pays me on time.
2. Ask your artist to list any and all fears about the projected piece of work and/or anyone connected to it. Again, these fears can be as dumb as any two-year-old's. It does not matter that they are groundless to you adult's eye. What matters is that they are big scary monsters to your artist.
   
   Some examples: I'm afraid the work will be rotten and I won't know it... I'm afraid the work will be good and they won't know it... I'm afraid all my ideas are hackneyed and outdated... I'm afraid my ideas are ahead of their time... I'm afraid I'll starve... I'm afraid I'll never finish... I'm afraid I'll never start... I'm afraid I will be embarrassed (I'm already embarrassed)... The list goes on.
3. Ask yourself what you stand to gain by not doing this piece of work.
   Some examples: If I don't write the piece, no one can hate it... If I don't write the piece, my jerk editor will worry... If I don't paint, sculpt, act, sing, dance, I can criticize others, knowing I could do better.
4. Make your deal. The deal is: "Okay, Creative Force, you take care of the quality, I'll take care of the quantity." Sign your deal and post it.

Be clear about who you are and what you want to be and do and things will flow. Resisting our true self will shut you down. We all turn to our toxic block when we fear happiness and the unknown that it brings. Blocks like food, alcohol, drugs, work, love...

We sense our potential and the possibilities that it can bring and we get scared. The blocks work in the short run but fail us in the long run. They keep us from our aspirations. As a blocked creative we know we are unhappy. Unblocked, we are happy. It may be terrifying, unfamiliar, out of control, too risky.

Try riding out the anxiety. Every time I have it has never failed me. Use anxiety as fuel to create.

I hide behind work. Play is too scary for me I feel it's a waste of time. For a workaholic like me, work is synonymous with worth.

Fame can poison your work as well. Instead of wanting to act for the sake of acting, an actor wants to become a famous actor. And if he doesn't get it, he feels like shit. To detoxify from this, you have to treat yourself like a precious object. Send yourself some fan letters. The only cure for the fame drug is creative endeavor. When you concentrate on someone else, you loose sight of yourself. "The desire to be better can choke off the simple desire to be... showing up for work is the win that matters."

We must nurture and accept ourselves by strengthening our spiritual base, hence our creative power. We must find what works for ourselves, for example, does 9 to 5 drain you or give you stability you need in order to create?

As an artist, cash flow is erratic. Don't judge yourself by the market value of your work. Make creativity it's own reward. Make sure you surround yourself with nurturing people. Make your life your art. Remember, as an artist you may shoot movies that other people may hate. Self-respect comes from creating - not others. Don't let your emotional and intellectual life stagnate - it will show in your work. Spoil you artist self. Be true to yourself - don't be what others want you to be.

Success demands that we repeat ourselves. Don't get caught in this trap. Take risks. Learn how to handle success in order not to sabotage yourself. (I need that at the moment because I'm feeling pangs of sabotage by not feeling good about my new script.)

Take your artist dates. I find them to be so nurturing. I wasn't taking them for a while, the first time I went through the Artist's Way and when I did start taking them it made a huge difference. I stopped taking them again after I had finished the Artist's Way and what a huge difference it made. I stopped taking them because I didn't have the time. I quickly realized that this excuse was not working. When I began taking them again it actually helped me write and finish my script!!!

Creativity requires action. Physical actions. Try a moving meditation such as walking to lose the obsessive self-focus of an artist and explore outside of yourself. This in turn allows you to be more focussed. Walk, run, swim, bike, go horseback riding. It also induces an endorphin natural high!

"In order to stay easily and happily creative, we need to stay spiritually centered". Create a centering ritual for yourself. First create an artists altar. Fill it with things that make you happy.

This final chapter is all about last minute advice. :-)

"Acknowledge the inherently mysterious spiritual heart of creativity... Creativity requires receptivity and profound trust... Set creative aims."

"Creativity requires faith... faith requires relinquishing control... trust your own inner guide... our truest dream is god's will for us."

Learn to wait for an idea to hatch. Creative process is a process of surrender not control. Allow your ideas to grow.

We must work at leaning to play - a hobby can help to release the play.

We don't need to do something important - we are important. Life was meant to be an artist date - that is why we were created.

Watch out for the test - e.g.."You're all set to leave the bad job and the boss from hell suddenly gives you your first raise in five years... A little flattery can go a long way toward deterring our escape velocity. So can a little cash."

"In order to achieve escape velocity, we must learn to keep our own counsel, to move silently among doubters, to voice our plans only among our allies, and to name our allies accurately... Do not indulge or tolerate anyone who throws cold water in your direction. Forget good intentions. Forget they didn't mean it... Escape velocity requires the sword of steely intention and the shield of self-determination... 'Set your goals and set your boundaries'."

Well, that's it. My hope is that by reading this it has inspired you to follow your dream or at least to pick up the book and begin your own journey of recovery or discovery. I wish you all the luck in the world.

The next time around - yes, I'm going to be reading the book again! - I hope to be able to refine what I've put on this page. My intention is to re-read the book until I know it by heart. And even then I will probably read it. It speaks volumes to me and it gives me a sense that I care about myself enough to make sure that I'm doing everything I can to make me happy and to keep me happy.

Elle